Smorgasbord

The check I made mention of in prior blog... ya, that happened today.

I won't go into the particulars of said check, but it was well-deserved if I may say so. I'm a hard worker people. No matter what they tell you.

A little background info: I work with a new team who also received big phat checks today.

After work, a celebratory dinner with the team commenced at a cool local upscale whole-in-the-wall restaurant. A total oxymoron but I don't know how else to describe it.

As we are sipping fine wine and devouring flatbread, I notice a bowl of M&M's in the middle of the table. Team member hands me a paper with the rules. Close your eyes, pick an M&M, and answer the question that is written in that M&M's color. This guy loves team-building exercises, as he calls it.

I pick an M&M, open my eyes, and scroll down the paper to my favorite flavor, orange. "What is unique about you?"

Me: "NOTHING! I swear I'm just like everyone else in this world"

Them: "No, no, that's not true. You are unique, you got this."

Um.. I don't need the pity.

Me: <long pause>

Me: "Ummmm.... I can do THIS with my tongue!"

I proceed to stick out my tongue and squeeze the life out of it until a triple wave prevails. Solid.

Them: "Oh WOW, yes that IS unique. I can't even do THAT. That is VERY unique..."

Ok, no need for the dramatic sarcasm team. It's the best I could come up with.

We continue to play the game, ahem team-building exercise, and follow the table around clockwise until it comes right back to me. I pick green. "What adversity have you overcome in your life?"

Thats deeeeep. Here I go.

Me: "Well, my mom kicked my father out for cheating and drugs while pregnant with my little sister, who died 4 years later, and all the while working a minimum wage job and living on food stamps. So, I'd pretty much say that...."

And then, all of a sudden, a dirt/hair particle of some sort decides its JUST the right time to plant itself into my eye which, while telling my sob story, causes me to frantically rub my eye resulting in my eye watering uncontrollably.

Them: "oh, I'm so sorry, that must be really hard for you to talk about, are you ok?.."

Me: "Oh no, I'm fine! No, really. I SWEAR. I just have something in my eye!"

I say it with so much emphasis that it sounds sarcastic and now they REALLY think I'm crying.

At this point, I can't recover so I continue on explaining that the adversity I had was the fact that I grew up without a father in my life. BIG DEAL, it happens all the time, I'm over it. Damn that particle!

This topic leads to a deeper conversation about how much, I wonder, does my family history affect my current relationship being that I didn't have a mother/father marriage to look up to growing up.

And then the relationship/marriage advice ensues:

Coworker #1, 38 yrs old, married for 18 years, 1 kid:
"Look, marriage is ALL about compromise. And don't have more than one kid."

Coworker #2, 55 yrs old, married for 30 yrs, 3 kids:
"I totally disagree, marriage is ALL about giving..."

Coworker #1: "Um.. ya, same thing. When you compromise, you are giving in."

Coworker #2: "No, not giving in, just giving. And you should have 3 kids. You know, there's an old saying about how kids affect you financially. 'The first kid is a dollar, the second is a hundred, and the third is a dollar.' "

Coworker #3, 45 yrs old, married for 15 years, 3 kids:
"You mean GIVING sex. Look, you should GIVE IN to sex 4 times per week. Now, THAT'S compromising."

My eyes widen. Are we really going there?

He continues, "haha, no, listen. The real answer is you have to be vulnerable towards one another. It's the only way."

Teammate #4, 62 yrs old, married for 35 years, 4 goody two-shoe kids:
"I disagree with all of you. The real key to a successful marriage is support. You must support each other no matter what. For example, if your baby is 6 months old and your husband wants to go on a weekend trip with his boys to catch a break, you have to support him in that... and you should have as many kids as you want, 20 even."

Um, that doesn't sound right and now my head hurts.

Up to this point, I wasn't too sure if I learned anything about relationships/marriage tonight.

In this smorgasbord of confusion, I think I found a bit of clarity in the end. Despite their differing views on marriage, they were all still married; no signs of divorce, past, present, or near future. Maybe no relationship is perfect and there is no specific way a relationship should be. Maybe everyone is different. Maybe there's no use in comparing other relationships to yours. What works for them may not work for yours. Yours is unique. Yours is yours.

Amen sista brotha.