Get Rich or Die Trying

I'm on an invention kick. I often think about inventing something so unique in hopes to get rich quick and retire... Except that I can't actually think of anything worthwhile to invent. The worst thing about it is I spend so much time thinking about something that no one else has ever thought of when I think my real problem is that I'm thinking TOO much about it. I need to greatly simplify and dumbify.

For example...

The Shake Weight. Who woulda thunk?! I'm sure tons of people thought of this but also thought it was the dumbest thing a thought could think. Dr Seuss is my inspiration. But then there was that one person who thought it through to the end and lo and behold, he's rich. And probably retired already. That could've been me. I think most people buy it because they think its a great conversation-starter. I mean, c'mon. If you saw this thing at someone's house, you'd run straight for it to see if it actually works, and then spend at least a few minutes laughing about how ridiculous it is and maybe make a few obscene comments in between.

Ponzi-schemes. So basically I could've just told a bunch of people that trust me that they'll make tons of money as long as they keep finding more and more investors that will help "invest" in some sort of barely-marketable product. I could have totally gotten away with this 5 years ago. Bernie Madoff had to ruin it for the rest of us.

The Snuggie. No one knows this, but I am really the one that invented the idea of the snuggie... I've been wearing my sweaters on backwards forever! You know when you're wearing a totally cute shirt, but its kinda cold so rather then hiding your totally cute shirt you just pull your arms through the sweater and then you get the best of both worlds?? Ya.. I invented that. Unfortunately for me, I didn't patent my brilliant invention and now some other guy is getting all the credit in the form of money.

Then there was...

The Guy Who Simply Asked For A Million Dollars... And Got It. Did you hear about this? This guy posted several rants on YouTube begging for anyone who was a multi-millionaire/billionaire to give him just $1 million. A rich loony came along and was like "this guy kindly asked for $1 million, so heck I'm going to give it to him!" If I knew I could get $1 million by simply asking, I would've signed up for a YouTube account a long time ago. THAT could've been me.

I do have 2 ideas, but I think they are totally lame. But are they? The above's are pretty lame themselves but that didn't stop them. I probably wont pursue them and watch someone else get rich from it eventually.

So here I am. Inventionless.

Main Squeeze

I hope you weren't that excited to follow me on a journey through dieting self-discovery. Because that ended like SO 2 blogs ago.

I wish I had actually written 2 blogs since my diet rant cause then that would actually make sense.

But here I am... 4 fried oreos, a box of thin mint girl scout cookies, and quite a few "beverages" later.

A lot of good things have happened in the past few weeks though. Mainly I turned a quarter-century old and my main squeeze and I celebrated 3 dating years together.

I say dating because if I didn't, you might assume we were married. Seems lately that people are going back to the old-fashioned ways of meeting and marrying in a jiffy lube. My mom and dad got married 3 months after their first "hello". That went well (NOT... just in case you can't make out the sarcasm). A handful (more or less) of recent friends seem to be doing the same. I'm really rootin for you. Maybe they don't know the divorce rate is now at fitty percent? For the mathematically-challenged and those that don't understand ghetto lingo, that means either you or the person next to you will likely end in a divorce. Divorce is so not cool, so what's the harm in waiting to know for sure?

Ah forget it, I really have no room to talk cause I know when my day comes I'm so totally going to whip out the ol' "I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him". And if he had asked me in the first 3 months, I might have been blinded by infatuation and have actually said "yes" too. Just sayin.

It's only been a little over a week since the 3 year mark and apparently that also marks The Swarm of Marriage Questions. A week before, nothing. The day after, it was like BAM! questions here questions there questions EVERYWHERE. Oh and when we're being asked together, trust me, you'd like to be a fly on the wall because we both squirm.

But it's cuuuute.

Did you know we have 6 weddings to go to this year?! And that's just the first half of the year. Who knows who else is going to get engaged by the end of the year... another 6? I'm betting on it. Really its ok. I love me some weddings. But I think we're preparing ourselves for more of the same questions.



PS. I love you, main squeeze. I'll try not to blog too much about you. Although.. maybe there is stardom potential in this for you..?

South Beach Livin

I came into work on Wednesday and a co-worker says to me "Ok, we're starting the South Beach diet tomorrow, get ready!" as if I had already signed up for this shenanigans. No way jose'. There is not a day that goes by that I don't eat bread or some sort of dessert concoction. NOT A DAY. What could ever convince me to diet in a manner that would deprive me of the 2 things I love most in my body? (get your mind out of the gutter)

Then... I took a good hard look at my soft tush and tum and suddenly Jillian from The Biggest Loser was standing next to me, screaming at me to get off my lazy arse and do something before food consumes my life and I die from obesity!

In reality, I took it on as a challenge and it is now day 3 of dieting.

It's not going well. I mean, I'm eating the way I'm supposed to but I feel awful. I'm hungry All The Time. Even after a large healthy meal of protein and veggies, I am not satisfied, not even close. I feel like I'm dieing a slow death without my carbs. No wonder its called DIEting.

I almost cried when I got on the scale this morning at the gym and the numbers showed no reflection of my first 2 days of intensive dieting. All dat for dat?!?! How long is it going to take to see results?! It's going to be hard to stay motivated. I need to start seeing results ASAP!

I spent a pretty penny at the grocery store preparing for this craziness. Dieting really breaks the bank. Hey lets charge $6 for almonds. How about another $4 for a small bag of veggies that I can eat in one sitting?  Its kinda obvious why we have an obesity problem in America. Who wouldn't want to pay less for food that tastes better?

Gift cards to Publix: acceptable gifts for my birthday next week. Muchos gracias!

Negatives

• The same meals over.. and over
• Pinched nerves from exercising, its inevitable
• My chest shrinking - always the first to go
• Sugar withdrawals

Positive

• I'm learning to cook

Big girl now

I was on the 6 year plan.

In the beginning, I made a promise to myself to graduate before age 25. And by golly I did! 1 month shy of my 25th birthday. Thank you, thank you. Sadly, no crazy college stories! You have to actually go away to college to have those. I was too much of a wuss to do that. Aaaand I wanted to make money NOW. I didn't want to wait 4 years. So work and school and work and work. No really, I am pretty sure I had 3 jobs at one time during college.

Now that schools over, its time to take up some hobbies. <and no, I don't mean blogging>

Exercising can be a hobby, right? Or is it just... exercise? I thought about that this morning as I rolled out of bed for day 1 of getting back into the gym routine. I have a personal trainer. No, I'm not overweight. And no, I'm not rich because I have a personal trainer. I get the DEEP discount rate. Trust me. Whatever your personal trainer charges you, divide that by five. Fiiiiive might be a stretch, you get the gist. But if I can lose 10 lbs, I'll be unstoppable!

I took the last 2 months off from the gym. My excuse? Finals, duh! Oh and you know that flu that is always going around? It came back around to me and slapped me silly. And just when I thought it was over, it slaps me again! Granted, I partied a little too hard in NYC post-graduation. (stay tuned for NYC stories) But, geeeeez louiiiiiise, ease up on the slappage!

The gym welcomed me with open arms this morning. <which is probably why it smelled like horrible B.O. .... as opposed to awesome B.O.> I truly feel like I can do this. There's no more excuses not to. No more school, no more... well that was just about my only excuse. And I'm hoping blogging about it will keep me in check.

Today was also supposed to be day 1 of eating healthy. It was going FANtastic til I ate 3 chocolate thingys, half a Milky Way that my "good" friend forced down my throat <of course>, and two huge slabs of potato salad from Honey Baked Ham. If you've had it, you know what I'm talking about. But for those of you that are like, "its just potato salad, it can't do that much harm" yada yada... let me explain. It's not like any other potato salad you've had before, oh no. Its like.... the (Mac-n-Cheese)^2 from Yardhouse, except you should square it a couple more times.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

My lose-weight goals
1. Lose 10lbs
2. Workout with cheap personal trainer 3 days a week, run 2 days a week
2. Actually run the half-marathon this year

My biggest lose-weight motivators
1. My self esteem
2. My main man
3. Those jeans
4. The girl in the mirror

I'll keep you posted. <Literally!>

Ps. I re-read my first blog and I totally sounded like a wanna-be blogger. But that totally works out since, hey, I wanna be a blogger.

Totally.

Reading? no. Blogging? YES!

My worst subject growing up.. was reading. I. dont. read. books. Maybe it was because my [perfect] older sister could read the entire series of The Babysitters Club in one week, and she did, and there was no way I was going to compete with THAT. Now that I'm a big girl, all my friends around me are like "what book are you reading" "have you read THIS?!" "oh em gee, you have to read this book by this author and the 2 series that follow it". Pressure! So, I've tried... and tried... and tried. I could name 5 books (yes, 5 whole books!) that I started to read and stopped after, say, the 4th chapter (that book was the better of the 5). 

I have been successful once! It's a 500+ pager I read my senior year in high school called "Daughter of the Forest". I was on a bus in Europe with a bunch of classmates and bored out of my mind. This book, handed over from a friend, was my only escape. I quickly became engrossed. I swear there is NO book better than this book. I've tried, remember? 

It's about a girl who was supposed to be the 7th son of a 7th son (I think). An evil witch brainwashes her father into marrying her. Soon after, the evil witch turns her 6 older brothers into swans and tells the daughter (of the forest) she can't speak a word and only after she makes 6 clokes out of starwort (this is a prickly plant that secretes poison when you touch it, probably a real thing) can her brothers curse be lifted. It's a fantasy novel, in case you were still wondering up to this point. Oh, and I think she also has to find true love cause that definitely happens. 

I'm not ashamed, though when I explain this book [to much of my delight] to my friends, they look at me like I'm a one-eyed monster. I actually read this book twice. And I'll probably read it again, starting tonight.

Have I lost you? I have a point.. but probably not a real good one.

I don't read books. But I DO read blogs! I just discovered the vast world of blogging (thank you sister, and sisters friends, and other friends). It's an epidemic, and it has officially plagued me.

I spent the ENTIRE DAY today reading some girls blog. She started it in 2007, at least 5 blogs per month. Let's do the math. (Math, unlike reading, is my strong suit) I read a mineemum of 240 postings non-stop in one DAY from her. So that's why my laundry is piled to the ceiling and my cat hasn't been fed. 

This weekend I saw a preview for an upcoming movie and one of the line-clingers (its a word) was (in a deep powerful man's voice) "Cause I have a voice!!!". Hey, me too! I guess I see value in documenting my thoughts and life. I also hope it provides some sort of self-therapy. From what you ask? I don't know, life.

I am going to totally WING this.